I had a really crappy run today. I started running to the lake and back and was slogging along at an extremely slow pace of 13. My legs were tired but not dead. I should have been able to muster up something better than a slog.
What is the point of all those dreadmill workouts I did over the winter; my constant mental focus on proper technique; and my hard efforts these last few months at losing a few pounds? My race times aren't any better (it's true: the only reason I am placing this year is due to aging up). My long run pace isn't any better. It seems like being a more efficient runner just burns less calories but isn't helping me otherwise. I mean, seriously, I would rather burn more calories!
And what's the freakin' point of a lower line in my heart rate test? Shouldn't my long run pace get better if my efficiency has improved? That's what I expect. That's what I need if I have any hope of ever breaking 6 hours at the Duke half.
I stopped several times during today's run and cried tears of frustration. I thought of the Duke half and how I will never meet that goal if I can't run faster on my long runs. That made me cry harder. I guess my disappointment over that race last year still bothers me. Alot. I thought I was over it.
I hate running. No wait. I hate sucking at running.
I need to snap out of this Woe is Me mood. Think I'll go listen to...
The Sinner in Me, by Depeche Mode
If I could just hide
The sinner inside
And keep him denied
How sweet life would be
If I could be free
From the sinner in me
