Negative Space

I am in a very negative space this week.   I’m going to just type whatever comes to mind right now – to get it off my chest.   I usually try to keep my blog posts upbeat and positive, so if you’ve come here looking for that, you might want to click your back button.  Go ahead, click it right now.

I felt on top of the world after doing that 23 mile run. I was so happy to finish that run so strong and without injury.   I felt sore the next day, but not too bad.   So, I did that freaking cold swim at the lake.   Usually, swimming is practically a recovery workout for me.  But the cold drained me even further.    Wednesday I did a bike ride.   Didn’t go so well.  Thursday I ran.  Crapforcrap.   Today I swam at the pool.  Total suckage.   I wasn’t getting the paces I wanted, and I didn’t have the mental stuff to do anything about it.  I think I peaked at that 23 mile run, and now I am spent up, both mentally and physically.

I haven’t slept well all week.  I feel really crabby.  Might be PMS.  But at my age, I never really am sure about that.  Fun.  Not. (Sorry if that’s TMI, but you could have clicked your back button up there in the first paragraph!)

I’ve been eating too much, especially given my reduced training.    It’s really hard going from  3500 calories a day to 1500.  I’ve probably gained 5 lbs this week, tho I don’t have the balls to step on the scale to verify.   It’s so easy for me to gain 5 lbs.     And it’s so $%^&*(;?#^%$+ hard to lose it again.  Not fair!

I’m really worried about the coldness of that swim and how much it will drain me.   And the coldness of the bike and how much that will drain me.    All day long, things – expected and unexpected – will be draining my tank on race day.    I am really questioning whether I have the physical and mental stuff to put out a solid effort on race day.  I am now feeling that my goal of a 12 hour Ironman looks pretty ridiculous.

I was stoked last weekend after my fun beach adventure and my successful 23 mile run.   Now I am totally down in the dumps and feeling negative. And my training is really ‘off’.

Is this a normal part of Ironman…emotional highs and lows?  This feeling of being completely drained?

I feel so burned out and have absolutely no desire to train.

I’m going to go take a Benedryl and try to get a good nights sleep.  Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Update next morning: Did not sleep well despite the Benedryl. Definitely PMSing 🙁 And I think I am sick with a cold or cough or something. I have a frog in my throat and a sinus headache and aches and pains that just don’t make sense, workoutwise. Just alot of things combining to make me feel really crappy. I’m sure this will pass. Who knows, maybe it will force me to take it easy during my taper. Silver lining. Urg, has it been three hours yet since I took that sinus medicine?

Update next afternoon: My friend Rebecca sent me a link to a really great article about tapering…it talks about a ‘recovery fog’ which sounds exactly like what I am going through. Thank you, Rebecca!   To view the article, go to this page: http://www.martygaal.com/words.html …then scroll down and then click the link that says “Ironman Preparation: 3 weeks to go – October 2003“. I am printing that out and taping it above my computer screen right now!